When I pulled into the parking lot this morning and got out of the car, I thought about where I was and why…cognitively. Most of the time, for me, I go on “auto-pilot” here. I don’t think too deeply about being here to see mom because this is or has been where she has lived for the last 17 months. At least now, there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, thank the Lord. But it wasn’t always the case. For over a year, mom’s health ebbed and flowed…flunctuated up and down… two steps forward and 4 steps back. We didn’t know if she would ever come off the vent and often questioned the approach taken by the head of respiratory here.
When I arrived this morning, mom was slouched over to one side of the bed and couldn’t reach her food too well. Her glasses were still sitting on the nightstand and her hearing aids were not in. If we don’t prepare mom, no one does. The philosophy seems to be one of “hit or miss” --- if the patient can reach his/her food, great; if not, oh well.
Mom asked where dad is this morning and I told her that everyone is at their house preparing for her homecoming. Mom asked what there was to prepare and I told her dad is a pile maker---leave an open space and he will make a pile on it. Then mom said, “Well you know dad. He’s a pilot. Pile-it here and pile-it there!!! I love him. I love him dearly. If somebody ever asks what my husband does…I’ll say he’s a pilot!!”
Then mom said, “Who’s not here anymore?” and then mom mentioned her CNA’s name who was moved to another unit. She instructed me to take out clothes for her to wear today as if I don’t know the morning routine and drill already!!
She asked where Claudia was and I told her to call her so she did (I dialed and handed her the phone). Claudia told mom that they were getting things ready at her house for her big homecoming and that mom would have to learn to trust other people will do things for her and do them well. Mom said, “Never mind! You do them the way I WANT THEM TO BE DONE!!!” and laughed. Mom was a bit of a control freak---neat-nick in the past to say the least!!
Mom then asked about all the people in my past---people I don’t see and haven’t mentioned in months. She remembered the whole “cast of characters!!” and all their names too!! Mom was really cognizant and “with it” this morning.
Samantha called mom next and mom talked and talked to her!! Mom told her to give Anthony Michael a big kiss. Sammy told mom she would make her breakfast when she comes home and mom said she wanted pancakes!! I bet!!! We don’t let her eat carbs for breakfast anymore---all protein and high fiber!! When they hung up, mom said, “Oh Sammy is such a sweetheart!”
I had mom write in the journal next. I told mom that the book she and I and Claudia are writing about her and her recovery may have a publisher soon! Mom was excited!! Then she said, laughing, “Oh but you can’t use my real name!” I told her she could pick an alias---she said, “Amanda Fritag. She’s a real person though and she’s on the Food Channel!!”
When mom needed to use the bathroom, I began to get her ready to get out of bed by putting on her shoes and socks. Mom said, “Go get my clothes to wear. And use the shoe horn on the right side of my foot not the left. Hey, you know what? I’d be a great ‘Lady of the House.’ I could tell everybody what to do and how to do it correctly!”
I found a card and picture that mom made for dad yesterday for Veteran’s Day. It was so cute! She drew a fire truck and the firehouse (Dad is a volunteer fireman for the last 55 years or so!!). The card read: “Happy Veterans Day! I love you! Love your Dotty. This is just a little something for you.”
This is what mom wrote in her journal so far today:
“Nov 12 (2011)
Tomorro is Elisa’s Bday. Sammy just called me and told me that they are getting my house ready for when I get home. U’ O!!! I’m getting reade (ready) for me to go to the bathroom. Talk to u I am writing this under duress and I am watching Kahy make c bace (make a face) because she is eating a sour apple (well each to his own taste owne taste!) I’m going to get a shower right now, and I cand (can’t) be bohered (bothered) writing any more about my exxting (exciting) life here. I have to go now because daddy is going”
We tried a crossword puzzle next:
Clue: Qualified. Starts with an E Mom: Eligible
Clue: Writing surface Mom: Desk (wrong answer though)
Clue: Illinois state flower - starts with V Mom: Verbina (answer Violet)
Clue: Frosting effect Mom: Icing
Mom sets out to complete the crossword with great attention and perseverance. She holds tightly to a pencil in her right hand and asks for a better eraser. She skims through all the clues to find one she knows…but then she can’t seem to find her place on the crossword board in order to write the answers.
Mom’s CNA who was moved to a new wing came to visit mom today!!! Mom was thrilled to see the CNA!! Mom asked the CNA where she was working now, what floor, what the patients are like. Very good questions! Mom asked the CNA who the CNA likes better, mom or the new patients!! Mom asked about what it was like for her to be in that unit. She asked if she slept a lot when she was there and I said yes. Mom said, “Well what a waste of time that was. I could have been enjoying all of you.” Mom also said that, “Home is where my family is.”
While mom and I sat doing the crossword puzzle, here’s what was going on at home. “Meanwhile, back at the ranch….” Oh boy!! Anthony, Con, Samantha, John, Jean, Lenny, Claudia and dad moved furniture all over the place. They rearranged the bedroom furniture—moving some around and taking some to other rooms and moving some into the basement. They purchased the special, long shower chair for mom to slide on into the shower---and in so doing, showed dad that the shower doors have to be removed in order for the chair to fit. This meant running to the storage store to get bubble wrap to wrap the doors in and then running to the store to buy a shower curtain and rod in their place (dad grabbed some old metal rod from the garage to screw into the tub surround!!! Oh boy….they talked him out of it). They had to rearrange the living room, the small back computer room, the bedroom. They had to clean up under the awning out by the back door. They had to put all valuables (jewelry…) and the jewelry boxes and anything with a social security or account number on it away---preferably locked up because we will have a stranger (CNA) in the house soon and why tempt someone to do something wrong? They began around 9 a.m. this morning. The job was overwhelming.
Mom had me put her make up on and then she ate lunch. It was a plain swiss cheese on rye sandwich with tomato salad and peaches. I gave mom a small piece of tomato on a fork and put it in her mouth. I was afraid she would choke on the vinegar. I told her this and she mimicked choking---such a comedian!! She also complained, “What are you going to FEED ME?!!!!” outraged!! She has come so far this past year…
We made more phone calls after lunch—Aunt Carol (mom said it was soooo good to talk on the phone with her again—they used to talk for hours on the phone), Angelo, Madeline, Jo Ann, Anthony, Sam, Dad, and then---cousin Tommy! I texted Tommy to let him know we would be calling from the facility. When mom called, Tommy said, “Do you know who this is?” Mom said, “Of course stupid, I called you!” Tommy used to practically live at our house growing up. Mom teased him and laughed and talked. She also called Tommy’s mom, Madeline, but only got the answering machine.
Mom and I went for a walk downstairs next. I bought her some chips since it’s Saturday --- a treat!! Mom kept asking me for her pocketbook so that she could get some money to buy things for me. We visited all the people on mom’s old unit. As always, they were happy to see her. We went back upstairs then and listened to music on the IPAD and sang together. Mom's roommate said she only likes music from the 30s and 40s so I played those songs. Mom and I sang but then she fell asleep.
Terry came to spend the evening with mom. She brought her NOOK Color to play games on with mom. They also watch TV together and talk too. Dad visited mom briefly late in the afternoon. He and I left to go upstate to shut off all the water for the winter.......boo hoo.....!
“I am going to prepare a place for you…” John 14:2
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