When I arrived at mom’s room this morning and turned the corner in her doorway, the dividing curtain was closed between mom and her roommate and there was a mess of tissues thrown all over the floor!!!! Tons of tissues everywhere!!! She saw me and yelled at me!! “Where are my hearing aids?!!! I can’t hear anything!! I can’t do anything by myself!! I HATE THIS!!!”
In all actuality, mom had already fed herself her whole breakfast all by herself!!!! With no help!! She did great! She even opened her cereal box and poured her own cereal with no mess!! But she was ONERY!!!! She was nasty this morning!! All part of the grief process….midway to be exact.
We talked. I set her up but it wasn’t fast enough for her! She yelled and barked out commands. When she was set up, we talked. I asked her what she was feeling. She made faces at me and mocked my words as I spoke…I didn’t take it personally, she has to get it all out. Some emotions are literally like poison to our bodies. Mom said she was disgusted because she can’t do anything for herself. She kept saying that and then crying and then eat a little and then repeat the cycle over and over for about 45 minutes.
When she calmed down a little, I told her today is Thanksgiving and that we actually have much to be thankful for. She asked me to turn on the parade. As we watched, she said she wanted Anthony Michael and Sam to make her a pilgrim’s hat to wear today! She called them on the phone (I dialed and she talked). She told Anthony what she wanted and she said Happy Thanksgiving.
Her nurse came in and mom began to get cranky again. The nurse laughed and said mom’s affect is such a vast improvement. The nurse said that everyone loves mom and wants her here at the facility forever, but at the same time, they are really very happy that mom is going home soon. The nurse said that everyone will cry with mom the day she leaves to go home.
Mom began to reminisce about Thanksgivings past saying: “My Aunt Nellie (her father’s sister) used to come every Thanksgiving Day and bring me a big beautiful corsage with all kinds of flowers…autumn colored flowers. And when you kids were little, you would get up on Thanksgiving Day and go sit in the living room and watch the parade on TV and wait for Grandma and Grandpa City (our grandparents from Brooklyn—mom’s parents) and Uncle Twinnies (her twin brothers) to come.”
Mom asked me what she had to be thankful for…she had begun to get disgusted again. I told her she could now do many things alone. I told her that last Thanksgiving, she couldn’t eat solid food or even breathe without a respirator …she couldn’t walk or stand. She couldn’t stay awake more than a few hours a day…My God…she has come so far.
Mom ate and contemplated things seeming to be deep in thought and then she said, “Yeah, I guess I do have a lot to be thankful for…I guess I can still do some things by myself. And what would I have done without all of you?.....” Mom cried and cried again then.
Mom called Dad next but no answer. She called Aunt Carol (her friend of 72 years from Brooklyn). They talked and talked. A very normal, typical conversation. They exchanged stuffing recipes, and turkey recipes and sweet potato recipes too.
When mom’s aide brought her to the bathroom, mom asked where the aide would be today. The aide said Brooklyn so mom said that she used to live there and that Ava goes to Brooklyn College. Then mom said, “Ava is going to be a speech therapist….yeah, so you can’t say ‘ain’t’ in front of her” and laughed! Mom said, “Ava is going to do what Carmine does but you can say ‘ain’t’ in front of him!” She is too much!
We watched the parade after she got dressed and I told her we’d sing every parade song we know!! She laughed. She was very concerned about how she looks…and asked me to put her make up on. She said she wants us to teach her how to do it herself again. I told her we would.
Mom called her 2 brothers next to wish them both a Happy Thanksgiving. They had nice conversations. Mom’s CNA asked how many siblings mom has and I said twin brothers who are 10 years younger than mom. Mom said, “Yes, they are 10 years younger than me so they are 49!” she was joking!! Then mom asked me how old she is and I began to sing, “____ trombones led the big parade!!” Mom said, “Oh my God!! I’m 76? Then the boys are 86!!” laughing!! She likes to joke.
Lenny, Dad and Terry came next and visited, followed by Anthony, Con, Anthony Michael, Sammy, John, Jean, Claudia and Ava. We all reserved one of the recreation rooms and ate dinner together. As we packed up for the day, mom became sad. She said she didn't want to be a problem for anyone and that she worried about how she and dad would make out at home alone. Dad is just so tender with her....it makes me cry to watch them in action...when he helps her stand or anything, he is just so tender..."Come on my girl, you can do this. We can do this together. Come on." They are just such a blessing. What an example of love to us all. Before everyone left to go home, we gave mom a group hug!
I stayed to put mom to bed tonight. We snuggled and watched TV. We prayed together before I left her for the night.
It was a day of laughter, games (Scattergories…), jigsaw puzzles, NOOK Color games, singing…!! We thank you all for your persevering prayer and support over course of these last 17 months. Before we ate dinner, we held hands and prayed and gave thanks for yet another year all together…for all God has done…and for not quitting 5 minutes before the miracle happened.
Happy Thanksgiving with much love to all of you and yours!
“Give thanks to Him who alone does mighty miracles. His faithful love endures forever.” Psalm 136:1-4
No comments:
Post a Comment