Mom’s update December 22nd 2011
In the past week I have the same experience over and over… “If I don’t see you before the holidays have a Merry Christmas, oh yeah, where are you celebrating the holidays?”
How can I answer that question in under an hour? It is more than just saying, we are spending the holidays with my mom.
Roll back to last year at this time. A few days before Christmas, I was the farthest west that I travel as a consultant. I was at a CSE. I kept my phone on vibrate. It vibrated and it was a call from my sister, who calls every morning, so it didn’t seem unusual. I pressed the ignore button and then I received another call from my sister. Now, I received a call from my son (who was waking my mom that morning). OK this is serious, I need to take this call. Mom was “decanulated” and we all needed to get to the hospital in a hurry, it was life threatening. So what did I do next? I froze. I sat down and calmly explained to the group of people sitting at the meeting what had happened and that I needed to leave. (I was still sitting and NOT moving). I then got up and started for the hospital.
We spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, News Years Eve and New Years Day at mom’s bedside in ICU. I look back and realize now that I was numb. I was in a deep depression. I would wake up, stay in bed until I had to drive dad (my brother and I took turns) to the hospital and came back home and went to bed again (in the middle of the day) and then repeated the process in the evening. I think I wore the same clothes for a week. The thing I remember the most was that I didn’t FEEL anything. I didn’t feel angry, I didn’t feel happy, I didn’t feel sad. I just didn’t feel at all.
Mom recovered from this incident and as you know, “Don’t quit 5 minutes B4 the miracle happens” was our new mantra! We needed a saying, something to help us start over again.
I guess my holiday wish for everyone this Christmas is to FEEL something! Feel excited that Christmas morning will soon be here. Feel angry with the crowds at the stores. Feel sad thinking about Christmas’s past. Just FEEL.
I guess the feeling I feel the most this year is…GRATEFUL. I am grateful for the obvious, my mom, but I am also grateful for my dad. I am grateful that I was able to bear witness to my parent’s unconditional love for each other and their family. I am grateful for my husband for visiting with mom every week and working with her to help her get better. I am grateful for my children, my brother and sisters and nieces and nephews who worked tirelessly for the good of mom. I am grateful for my cousins who came to work with mom.
In this beautiful Christmas Season, be grateful for all the good you have in your lives and………..feel the love of Christ!
~Claud
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